I was doing so well guys. I had this bitch face going, and I would walk right by those "save the animals" kids with their clipboards and their baby seal t-shirts, and they knew--don't ask Bitchface for money. Bitchface won't give it to you.
But then came the day of the voucher. In my defense, I was really tired, really hungry, and I'd been thinking about getting a haircut for weeks. I wasn't at my best. Here goes:
On my way out of work last Tuesday, a very non-threatening, lanky gay man came up to me and said "hey can I ask you a question?" Now, Bitchface wasn't awake and being all scary, and it's a touristy area, so I honestly thought he wanted directions. But nooooooo. He wanted to offer me a special voucher for a discount package at a new Paul Mitchell salon. The former teenager with a Cosmo subscription deep inside of me went "ooooooooh!" And then he pretty much had me: $70 for a haircut, manicure, mini-facial, eyebrows, shoulder massage, etc. Yes, please, I said. So he said "just put your name and zip code on the voucher," which seemed harmless enough. Then he pulled out his clipboard--why, oh why, is there always a clipboard?--and showed me where to enter my credit card information.
That's when Bitchface woke up and gave me a swift kick in the common sense. I started backtracking. "Oh.......what?......forgot my wallet......no cards......." Then LankyGay was sad. "Can't reuse the voucher because you wrote on it (pout pout). Can you pay with cash?" Says LankyGay. "I only have $20," says CosmoTeen, as she steps hard on Bitchface's foot. Replies LankyGay: "well, don't tell them I did this, look, I promise I'm not cheating you, look, here's my card, see the name? Look at my driver's license, and my credit card. Same name, see? You can call the salon right now and make an appointment, you can have the voucher for $20, just don't tell them that's how much you paid when you get there, ok?"
And, in the epic battle between CosmoTeen and Bitchface, CosmoTeen pulled the unforgivable girl-fight maneuver of yanking Bitchface's hair. Hard. During Bitchface's stunned moment of "oh no she didn't," CosmoTeen handed over the $20.
I called the salon (all three of me, that is), made the appointment, and hated myself. I went home, looked them up online, and you know what? They're legit, as in they exist, but apparently they suck, so rather than get a bad haircut, I decided to just be $20 poorer.
But I learned an important lesson: I am a creampuff. Why did I feel like I owed LankyGay anything? No, Cat, no! LankyGay, vaguely a con man, does not get a $20 consolation prize just because I didn't give him $70. Bitchface is really mad at me right now, but she's practicing her moves, and I have a feeling she's never letting another dollar out of this wallet. CosmoTeen is totally grounded.
But then came the day of the voucher. In my defense, I was really tired, really hungry, and I'd been thinking about getting a haircut for weeks. I wasn't at my best. Here goes:
On my way out of work last Tuesday, a very non-threatening, lanky gay man came up to me and said "hey can I ask you a question?" Now, Bitchface wasn't awake and being all scary, and it's a touristy area, so I honestly thought he wanted directions. But nooooooo. He wanted to offer me a special voucher for a discount package at a new Paul Mitchell salon. The former teenager with a Cosmo subscription deep inside of me went "ooooooooh!" And then he pretty much had me: $70 for a haircut, manicure, mini-facial, eyebrows, shoulder massage, etc. Yes, please, I said. So he said "just put your name and zip code on the voucher," which seemed harmless enough. Then he pulled out his clipboard--why, oh why, is there always a clipboard?--and showed me where to enter my credit card information.
That's when Bitchface woke up and gave me a swift kick in the common sense. I started backtracking. "Oh.......what?......forgot my wallet......no cards......." Then LankyGay was sad. "Can't reuse the voucher because you wrote on it (pout pout). Can you pay with cash?" Says LankyGay. "I only have $20," says CosmoTeen, as she steps hard on Bitchface's foot. Replies LankyGay: "well, don't tell them I did this, look, I promise I'm not cheating you, look, here's my card, see the name? Look at my driver's license, and my credit card. Same name, see? You can call the salon right now and make an appointment, you can have the voucher for $20, just don't tell them that's how much you paid when you get there, ok?"
And, in the epic battle between CosmoTeen and Bitchface, CosmoTeen pulled the unforgivable girl-fight maneuver of yanking Bitchface's hair. Hard. During Bitchface's stunned moment of "oh no she didn't," CosmoTeen handed over the $20.
I called the salon (all three of me, that is), made the appointment, and hated myself. I went home, looked them up online, and you know what? They're legit, as in they exist, but apparently they suck, so rather than get a bad haircut, I decided to just be $20 poorer.
But I learned an important lesson: I am a creampuff. Why did I feel like I owed LankyGay anything? No, Cat, no! LankyGay, vaguely a con man, does not get a $20 consolation prize just because I didn't give him $70. Bitchface is really mad at me right now, but she's practicing her moves, and I have a feeling she's never letting another dollar out of this wallet. CosmoTeen is totally grounded.
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I like your words.
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